When its too late

Its hard to believe that one second can change your whole life around. You sit there in disbelief , thinking to yourself, why? Why now? Why you? Your in a different state of mind, by far the most insane one you have ever been in. You see things in a different light, on the other side of the shoe. And the worst part about that is, you live in regret. If you would have done things differently maybe you wouldn't feel this way. Sometimes you feel as if its going to eat you alive. And other times your fine. You try to keep yourself busy to stop thinking and crying, but sometimes that doesn't work. You try to talk and make jokes but your the only one laughing. Is it possible that people can see through your fake jokes and laughter? See that your not you anymore? That it may appear to be you, but in fact your not there at all. You look around and don't say a word, knowing very well that you don't belong. At times you just want to be left alone. You don't understand yourself, so don't expect anyone else to, either. You just wish they could stop judging. All that you know is what you thought mattered to you before doesn't matter at all. You cherish what you had and not what you have. You know what your doing is wrong but you don't care enough to change it.