Formula for success?

Success, that's a word that I've been hearing a lot lately. Does it matter where you are to be successful? Does it matter the people you surround yourself with? In order for one to succeed can one be surrounded by failure? Failure seems to put a lot of people down, some people see it as if I didn't do something right then I have failed. But in fact unless you're willing to have a go, fail miserably, and have another go, success won't happen. I guess some people get tired of the same crap that they decide maybe its time for a new atmosphere. I have always wondered why people from small towns want to move to a big city, with only a few hundred dollars in there pockets and vice versa. Or are some just running away from something. I guess I understand why people from small towns would rather live in New York City, they have a better chance to make something of themselves other then where they are from. I have heard that the formula for success is quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure. You are thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn't at all. You can be discouraged by failure or you can learn from it, So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because remember that’s where you will find success. So yes it may matter where you are to be successful. And it may or may not matter the people you surrounded yourself with. Its really all up to you. If you have the determination the drive and most of all the will to succeed then you will. Don't let others put you down because they couldn't do it. And don't forget one thing that is very important if you don't fail then how can you succeed.

Reminiscing!

Its 3:36am I'm bored at home and I can't sleep so I started to go through some things. When I come across my Canon camera. I thought I lost it years ago, but I forgot that the screen is cracked because my fat ass sat on it by mistake. I tried to turn it on but someone stole my battery. They stole the battery but not the camera, you can take pictures you just need to connect it to a computer to see them. Hey so what if its messed up at the moment its still a camera. I never got it fixed but I'll fix it soon, I hope it doesn't cost more than $100. I start to look at the pictures and laugh, some nice pictures and some dumb ones. I looked at a few and said what were we thinking. Like in this picture here to the left with Aura, I'm twice her size and she still trying to punk me. Story of my life. First Aura does it and now someone takes my battery, I can't get over that. But I know it was you Jabao you left a 5.8 second video of yourself doing something with my camera, (nothing nasty people, you guys are gross) so I know it was you. Here is a funny picture of Carlos acting like he is Don Omar or something. Good thing he cut his hair because every time he did it he didn't know how to act. He would tell me "My hair is better than yours" and I would say "If you say so bro, can we get back to work now? We are in class." I would say anything so he would shut up about his hair. He thought I was hating but please come on. I do thank god it got too hot for his fat ass to being doing his hair and he cut it. Cause if it didn't forget it. I would hear something new everyday. I could only imagine... (In Carlos's dumb voice.) "That's why my hair is better and longer than yours." I love you bro and I'm only talking shit, just in case your reading this. I don't want you to put something in my coffee. Looking through the pictures I even found this video, I think it was Bianka recording. Watch it for the boy in the white T-shirt that little boy sure can move more then all the guys in that party. (I had to put it on youtube because it was taking to long to download here.) And this is when everyone thought they could dance, HA. How funny, leave the moves for the little kid people. Please! I had a lot of fun reminiscing today. I wonder what else can I found. Maybe $100 I can sure use it right now. I also want my battery back, Jabao!

Gregory goes Balls to Walls!!!!

I love weekends, kicking back and relaxing. This weekend had to be the funniest one, not the best but the funniest. What I can remember at least, I know I saw and did a lot of things that I didn't do before. It all started on Friday when I was walking to my friends house and I see her brother Gregory. He likes to walk with his pants low so his mother sees him and she tells him "Mirame Tu, why are you pants so low?" . He pulls down his pants and his response is "If I can't wear them low then I'm not going to wear them at all." I could not believe my eyes, he was walking with no pants just his boxers. I started to laugh and his mother just looked at him and couldn't believe it. We walked to his block he had no shirt and only his boxers on. I couldn't stop laughing he then, wait for it... Takes off his boxers and is wearing nothing. He went balls to wall crazy and ran up and down the block. I was laughing so much I wanted to take a picture but my phone was upstairs. But the look on every ones faces, in cars and in there houses was priceless. His mother was laughing but then she couldn't take it saying things like "Your going to get me into problems". She said it in spanish then she tried to kick him but he was too fast and ran up the stairs. Come to find out that his friends were waiting in front of the door and I had his clothes. That was so funny. Everyone got to see him nude. I tell you one thing he sure has balls!

Uh...

I am really getting that old. I was having a conversation with someone and they started to say things that just didn't make sense to me. I don't know if people are creating there own language for words but wow. I have heard so many people say the word "live" a lot the word isn't the problem nor is the way they use it but I was confused about it. They say "My block is live" or "My aim is live" there meaning for "live" is when something is pretty cool and has a lot of people there. So I tried to use the word and say livest and almost got snapped into next week by my younger sister. There are words that mean something bad and people have taken them and completely change them. Like the word Nigger it was changed to "Nigga" meaning something like your homie but white people can't use the word because then it would be like they were saying nigger and that's a problem. Another one that is a favorite of mine is the word Bitch. Its a female dog but the term is also sometimes used as a derogatory term for women. Some people has also taken that word and changed it for something good. Some women say that they are The Head Bitch In Charge. They know what they are but don't like for a guy to call them that. If that isn't a double standard. Tupac said that a bitch to him is a female who not only sleeps around but does it to get something in return. A lot of people think like him. If your going to do it, do it right. You want to sleep around, hey do it, just know how to handle yourself. Everyone doesn't have to know. Women only get called that by guys because women should have more respect for themselves. I like the quote "what you don't know won't hurt you" but now and days that isn't true anymore lets say you have AIDS but you don't know. What would happen?... You would die. I don't know about you but that sounds pretty hurtful. There should be a good meaning for the word die. But I bet there isn't. And no it doesn't count when you change your hair color. Lets get tested today. AIDS is no joke. "AIDS is still out there and it still kills." (Feel free to use any of the moves in the picture just make sure to use a condom.)

Am I going crazy for saying this???

Its been a week and a half that I haven't seen my own bed. I haven't been home because I was just avoiding it. I guess I was having so much fun anywhere but here. Its really fun to "bed hop" you get it. From one bed to the next, I was sleeping over places like I didn't have a home. Until I got a few people sick, sorry. I even stayed in my mothers house for some days because she would cook. And I don't play when it comes to food. But I missed my own space and my bed. Now that I'm back I don't want to be here. Maybe its my room that I dislike or maybe its not having someone to talk to in the mornings. Or maybe now this right here can be something CRAZY, INSANE or just plain ole STUPID but maybe its the lack of Parental Control. Someone telling you what not to do. Someone making you do things that you found senseless but may help you in the long run. Someone yelling at you when you get home too late. I don't know if I'm going crazy but doing whatever you want to do when ever you want to do it doesn't seem that much fun anymore. I miss breaking the rules. Coming into the house scared to make a noise because your parents would hear, being as quite as possible. Then the next day when your asked what time you got home you lie and say 2 hours before the time you really came in at. Man I miss those days. Not wanting to get caught, I thought I got caught once and I had the only face. It was my sister Latoya being a dick. Boy that was a funny face, it looked like his...

Good times/ Ynes birthday

Today was an interesting day. I saw people I haven't seen in years and others who I haven't seen in days even months. One person that I was really happy to see was Ynes. Not only because I haven't seen her in forever and a year but because it was her birthday. Another year towards independents. HapPy bIrThDaY Ynes. She thought she wasn't going to see anyone on her day then got the surprise from her boyfriend who picked her up at her job. Then took her to where everyone was at and surprised her yet again. I wasn't there to see that because like also I'm late for everything. Once I got there I was hit with the "You got fat" thing which was ok because it was by the birthday girl and because it is true. The day went rather well until like clock work we got into a disagreement. We almost even had "Judgment day" but because it was Ynes birthday everyone decided to leave that for some other day and "faked the funk". I like those words now, fake the funk. That would have been fun or hurtful whatever comes first. After the cake some songs and pictures everyone departed. Carlos and I took a cab then a walk and hung out with Aura. We were laughing it up when Paola came down. She conversed with us for some time then left and I finally got to see her toes, eww. When out from no where we see two kids well guys that we went to school with. William and Joel, I went to Jr High school with both of them. This kid William was so crazy that my best friend at the time Caroline told him one thing and he punched the day lights out of her. He later gets kicked out of the school because of a gun and gets transferred to Carlos old Jr High. Aura gets called upstairs, the guys want to smoke and for the first time Carlos and I get called COOL for not being smokers. Exchanged some numbers so hopefully that wont be the last time we see each other. Wow what a day.

Time, boy does it fly...

Time is a valuable thing but if you don't stop to take a look it will pass you by. Watch it count down to the end of the day. The clock ticks life away. I remember when I was younger back in elementary school it would take so long for the day to be over and the summer time felt like it was 3 months long. Now the summers are like 1 month long. Maybe its because I got older but is time going faster? Time sure flies out the window. I mean I have heard that "time flies when you having fun" but come on. I lose track of time all the time I can never be early for anything. I try, I really do but sometimes its hard to be on time. The great things about the day is you can do whatever you want to do. The sky is the limit, all you need is a little bit of money and some fun people and forget about it, your going to have fun. As long as your not in the same place for to long you have to make sure your having just enough fun then go somewhere else or you didn't do much. I want to look back in life and say I did this, this, and that. Like I lived in New York City my whole life and I haven't been to so many places. People from out of town has seen more then what I have, that's a shame. We always go to the same places. We need to educate ourselves on our city. Well I do at least. I don't know if I'm going to live in New York forever. And for now time is on our side, so starting in June I'm going to take a journey in New York and see what else is out there other then the Bronx, Harlem (well the part where I'm from not the hood) and 42nd street. I will travel with a few people so I wont do this alone and hopefully I'll learn something new and have fun while doing so. You have to ask yourself, how much time we have left? The answer is not that much. I said it once and I'll say it again time flies and if you don't stop to take a look it will pass you by.

REALLY??

People, people, people you guys give yourself to much credit now and days. Or maybe just not enough. For example like when your in a fight and someone asks you what happened you say what is important to you. You say all kind of craziness like "Yea I kicked that bitch in the face" and "I pulled out all her hair". But what you FAILED to say is that you jumped that person so you really didn't do what you said you did. You see not a lot of people can fully say the truth. Most people only say what they want to say to make themselves look like the nice guy. And where is it written that if you don't do what someone wants you to do your a "BITCH". Maybe, just maybe people don't want to hang out with you or maybe people are done with doing the same thing. Or if that's not the reason maybe its because you talk so much shit about people, expect them to do something for you and not think that one of the people you are talking shit to will ever tell that person. See that's where your wrong. One thing that I know for sure is that people will and love to talk. You should never ever say or do things when your mad. That's how killers get caught. Don't ever do things with a hot head. Because when your over it you'll want to call people and want something from them. How about you try to be an adult and talk to the person other then talking about the person. If you have yet to realize that by talking badly about a person then hanging out with that person your being really fake. Then that says a lot about you. In any relationship it is healthy to argue by differing viewpoints. But it is not ok to bash on a "friend". I feel that if your going to do such things then you and that person shouldn't be "friends", because a friend isn't someone who can get you things. That's why your family is there for. Just kidding. Learn to Humble up a little.

Shadow!

Its said that music says a lot about a person. I do believe that is true, well only to an extent. For example I like a lot of different songs, for some they may be very sad songs that put you down. And I always get the same question " Whats wrong Crystal, are you depressed?" My answer was always no, other times were different. You see I like songs that has a meaning to it. A story, sometimes even something that you can relate to. Which are mostly sad songs in my case. They don't really get me sad they just simply put me to think. Which can never be bad for anyone. I was listening to the song Shadow by Ashlee Simpson. The song is about how she was her older sister's shadow for years. She never felt like she was ever the one worth looking at or for. Her parents thought more for Jessica then for her. She was the perfect child she had everything and Ashlee was left with nothing. Always second best. Which is a feeling that I know all to well. Having a sister who is in every way possible better then you. But that only makes you work harder for what you want and when you get it, no one can take that from you. That sense of pride and accomplishment. At the moment when things like that happen you don't stop to think about what's going to happen ten years from now. All you can think about is today. But the feeling isn't a good one at all. No one should have to go though that, but people do. Because as much as you say when I have kids I would never do that, that's not always true. You can never tell whats yet to happen. A lot of times history repeats itself. The good thing about that song was that she then realized that she didn't have to be her sister's shadow anymore cause people were liking her for her and not for her sister. For all the things she could do, when she showed who she really was. Once you can tell a story that caused you so much pain to everyone that's when your finally over it. "Living in a nightmare, a never-ending sleep. But now that I am wide awake my chains are finally free. Don't feel sorry for me" A good song with an even better meaning.

Mothers Day!

Today is mothers day and like any other human I only have one. But I like to think I had two, the one who gave birth to me and my grandmother. I love my mother I really do, but I feel that we get along more now that I don't live with her. We talk and even joke now more than we ever had and for that reason alone I much rather have troubles and struggle then move back in with her. You see without struggle there is no "progress". In life if you go by without any troubles how would you ever grow up. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life like anyone else but I can face them today many can not. The reason I said that my grandmother was my mother is because she was. I know that if I had a problem I could always go to her. She would always listen, sometimes she knew things that I didn't want to say. There were times when she said some crazy things that were way off but now that I think about it, it's funny. And what hurts the most is that I took her for granted I never got the chance to say sorry for all the pain she went through in life, for the way we all spoke to her, the way we didn't listen to her and so much more. She would always try to look out for us all the time. People say that all she cared for was money but that wasn't true. See she did love money like we all do but she only wanted it for us. To pay bills, food and so much more. She wasn't in the best shape and didn't have a job, well she kind of did. She played bingo all the time. And she won like crazy. She wanted me to go so many times because she known how much I to enjoyed the game but I always had something "better things" to do. Grandma I miss you so much. You would always tell us that you wasn't going to be here for long. On Christmas you told me that this would be the last Christmas you would cook for us. I said yea sure, your going to be here forever. You were only 58 years old. As much pain as I'm in right now I have to get this off my chest. Everyday you would tell me that you didn't want a funeral when you died because you didn't want all those fake people crying for you. That they didn't talk to you when you were alive why would they be there. I'm so sorry that they were there. I know that you haven't spoken to many of them in years but I couldn't do anything about it. I was in so much pain. Even seeing you there not moving or telling me to get you some water. That I'm so lazy, that if you could do it for yourself you wouldn't bother us for anything. I couldn't believe it. Just a week before then you told me that you thought I was crazy, dancing like a clown and singing really bad. But you still loved me and for that I will always love you. Till this day I cant believe your gone. I wish that day I would have been home like you told me to be. I would have told you to go to the hospital in time and not worry about us. Or if the food would have been done right. That's the only thing that I hate that you did. You helped everyone before helping yourself. Each day that passes I learn something new about your life and the pain you went through. I have never had a hero, I thought that there only on TV with powers but come to found out you were that and more. You protected us from some much. I wish I could go back to this day...It was your birthday. September 29, 2000 even if we all look a mess I loved that day. That day not only was your birthday but it was also a reunion with some of your kids. The ones you haven't seen in forever. Your son Tutu, Richie and last but not least your daughter my mother Wanda. That was one of my favorite days. The look on your face was unforgettable. The day was full of laughter, fighting, drinking and forgiveness. That didn't last long because my family is not a real family. You were the glue and now that you gone what are we going to do... I will never forget you. I should hate the day you left us but that day is also my dads birthday and El Dia De Los Reyes so I'm at a lost for words with that. But I will tell you one thing I will never forget it. January 6, 2009. The beginning of the new year and I could already tell that this isn't going to be a good year. You would think at a time like that all the fights would end. That one wouldn't let there pride in the way but nope. That was a start of something new. How selfish the day you left us and people are still fighting. Saying things like "what is she doing here? Do you even know how Mildred looks like?". Wow people are really something. I couldn't take it, all the fights its just to much for me. I don't know how you did it. I have a feeling that history in this family will repeat itself. I really hope not. I miss you so much but your in a better place now. I'd like to hope so at least. Rest In Peace Granny. You will always be missed. I will always love you. 9/29/50- 1/06/09

I've joined the "fad"

I don't want to be a follower or anything but everyone seems to have one. I wasn't really into it. I rarely talk about whats going on in my life. Someone once told me that this may do me some good. But I was yet to be convinced, until someone who remain nameless for now said " Don't knock it til you tried it." That just let me to think maybe I should try it before I say anything about it. I try everything at least once, well somethings. Well here I go...