Dreams

Have you ever had a dream, that you felt was so real and to your surprise you wake up. Leaving you with questions upon questions. What does a dream really mean? It is believed that a dream is a wish in your heart and others believe that its an inner thought trying to come to light. Dreams are very complicated to comprehend, at times things that happen in a dream become reality, as if you can see the future. If that is what dreams are, what is the point of a nightmare? Why do people have nightmares? Is a nightmare things we fear coming to light in hopes for us to know how to conquer our fears. What if you don't have dreams anymore? All you do is sleep. Does that mean there is something wrong with you? I haven't had a dream in god knows when. Where are my dreams and thoughts? Sometimes you have dreams but just can't remember them. Is that whats going on with me?

My word...

Due to the chain of unfortunate events, I am forced to understand and admit that I was being a child. It wasn't fun nor was it like me. I will not apologize for my actions, yes they were mistakes of mine but there is not much I can do now. Well there is one thing I can do. I know I may not be the first to let things go but I will. There will be no more words about any of this from my part. I will try to be an adult. But I can not be held accountable for others. I can and I will keep my word.

Who would have thought...

Like I said before I didn't want this summer to pass me by so I have been doing some cool things recently. I never would have guessed that the elderly had so many stories to tell. I would have never known all of this if it wasn't for my friend Jason, who took me to his job in New Jersey where he works with the elderly and disabled, who would have thought he was such a good guy. As soon as we pulled up to his job I'm at utter disbelief at the peoples response to him, they love him. I knew that there was more to this guy then meets the eye, but not that much. He had to do some work and introduces me to this group of very interesting people. I didn't even notice that time had passed so much with such great stories that they were informing me on. There was this one older lady named Debra but she asked for everyone to call her DD. Her story was very good, she was born in the early 30's which for those who don't know that was when the stock market crashed. Which is my favorite topic in history. She was telling me how that's when everyone came together as one. It was the Jazz era. It was just such an educational day for me. I especially loved when they all said "You youngsters have no idea about music. All you do is grind and curse each other out. There isn't any respect now and days. Ya don't even know the value of a dollar." Everything they said they could actually back it up with proof. I was so impressed with everything and everyone there. DD even gave me a CD to listen to. I also got to meet a racist, a pimp, well back in the days he was a pimp and let me add he is a very good looking older man. I wanted to meet this one lady who didn't speak to anyone and everyone said she hates people. But her story really is a very sad story to tell. You wouldn't be able to listen to the pain she has endured her whole life. She had to be in her late 60's early 70's, her name is Marie. She lost her parents in a fire when she was only 6 years old. Moved in with her uncle who was an asshole and would beat her for any little thing. She had to marry a guy that was 10 years older then her and she was only 14 years old. Had a kid where he was taken from her. She even confuses to have killed her husband because of something which I don't remember but only did 2 and a half years. DD couldn't finish the story because we had to go, but I do know that she is still looking for her son and he must be about 20 something years old right now. I have to admit that was an educational day.

Will it ever happen... Nope, I dont think so

Is it to much to ask for peoples honesty now and days. Is that really such a hard thing to do. No lies, no BS, just the truth as painful as it may seem. Like is that such a hard thing to do. Instead of the upseen things that is said all the time, how about the truth. There is no need in finding out things from others and it becoming a bigger thing, then what it is already. Call me a bitch but I much rather people knowing my feeling towards something or someone from myself and not others. Some people tend to hear something and completely change what you said into whatever they want. At the same time some of the things that person may have said has a point. Think about it whatever they are saying they got it from somewhere. No one is ever really innocent. What is everyone so afraid of? The truth? My words? Or is it others seeing your TRUE colors? So please keep talking all that your going to say. And when you are done and you can be truthful with no lies or BS then something can really happen.... Until then!

Thinking of you...

I can't believe that I miss you. I never miss people, unless they were very important to me. But out of all people to miss, I miss you. Your annoying, rude and much more things. I can't believe that I'm going to say this, but today I realized how funny and cool you were. I never understood why you would always start fights with everyone for no apparent reason what so ever. You would get on my last nervous, but I must admit that life without you isn't the same anymore. When you spend so much time with a person, they tend to grow on you. Especially if you grew up with them. And without you around us for the last few months, yes was relaxing and nice but at the same time you are and will always be my brother. My family, my blood so as much as I said that I hated you and I wished you wasn't born, that is a lie. I could never hate anyone no matter how hard I try, it just isn't in me. You have changed so much, not like before when you would say "I'm going to change..." this time you have. I guess its because you was kind of forced to do so. Which is a good thing. It was fun seeing you today, playing basketball with you and your boys. I must also admit that your jokes have become very laughable. Like when you said "Niggas in here do anything for two snickers bar. I could tell him right now to beat someone senseless for two snickers bar and he would do it. Your lucky your not in here cause I would have told him to do it to you." Looking at you talk and act like your so hood was funny. You would always act like it but now I know that's just how you really are. Watching you play basketball without actually playing was funny because your so tall. You was looking like freaking Yao Ming. No one could make a shot if you were there. And I can't forget about your sneakers that were literally called NDG. Which you said stands for "No Darn Good." I do miss you and wish you come home soon. I hope you stay the way you are right now.

Quotes that I love...

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt.

"If you prick us, do we not bleed?
if you tickle us, do we not laugh?
if you poison us, do we not die?
and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?"
--William Shakespeare

"A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt.

"Be careful of the words you say,
And keep them soft and sweet;
For you never know from day to day,
Which ones you'll have to eat."
-- Unknown.

"God save me from my friends. I can protect myself from my enemies."
-- Martin Luther.

"Love is nothing but slow poison!"
-- Unknown.

"Never argue with a stupid person. First they'll drag you down to their level, then they will beat
you with experience."
-- Unknown.

24 hours to live

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late. What would you do? Remember every second counts. So would you live every moment like your last? Where would you go? What would you do? Thinking of it now if today was my last day I would do so much. Some people say that they would rob a bank and see how much they got out of it. Why do that if your not going to be able to enjoy it. So whats the point in that, right? Maybe people who decide that's what they want to do, don't do it for themselves. They do it for there families, so that when they are gone, there family wouldn't have to struggle. I wouldn't even think about attempting that because in order to achieve that goal, you must have everything planned out. And I just wouldn't have the time for all of that. Time is very valuable. You have to be more creative with what your going to do for your last few hours. So would you call up old friends? Would you forgive you enemies? Would you want to be alone? Or would you want to go out with a Bang!? I know would get up really early so I wouldn't waste anytime. And try to do all the things that I never had the guts to do. Nothing can stand in my way. I wouldn't want to leave this world with any regrets. I'll call up some people and forgive them for everything and hope that they could do the same. I would go Bungee jumping on the George Washington Bridge. After doing all of that if I didn't die from going Bungee jumping I would take the Ferry about 30 miles from the city to an unknown place so no one can find me. Turn off my phone so I wouldn't have a worry in the world. And for my last few hours spend it with my annoying family members. I wish I could leave my mark, for some way to keep living on. I know I would never be able to live on like Tupac with his words of wisdom but I would like too be remembered at least. There is just so much I would like to do in so little time. And that's why I would like to start living my life as if everyday is my last. "Today is a gift, not a given right." So if you had 24 hours to live what would you do? (Would you have random sex with an unknown person?)

Second chance

Does everyone deserve a second chance? That seems to be a very difficult question to answer. I mean think about it, why would they need a second chance? There has to be a very good reason why you don't want to talk to them, right? Well everyone doesn't deserve a second chance, but everyone should get one. Like they say "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." You can forgive but never forget. And when I say everyone I don't really mean everyone. You don't forgive nor do you give the person who tried to kill you, a second chance. Anything else that they did that is less painful then yes everyone should get a second chance. I'm just saying.

"God make me a saint... well not just yet."

It seems to be that I have found a new show for Mondays. Gossip Girl seems to have ended as well as Heroes. But there is a new show called Nurse Jackie and its on the Showtime channel. Let me be the first to say that I have never been a fan of a show with doctors. Never liked ER or anything like that, but this is a good new ass show. Watch for yourselves. This nurse is hilarious, sarcastic, does drugs and has a double life. The first episode just aired and I'm hooked. Can't wait for the next one. I love how she says "Make me a saint... Well not just yet." That is hilarious if you were to see the show, you would understand why I say that.

I now wonder about Joe...

Its very funny when celebrities make fun of themselves. Like when Justin Timberlake did the single ladies on SNL. But this right here isn't funny at all, in fact its a little disturbing. Wow Joe, first was your tv show and now this. I don't even know what to say.

GYT!

With so many things happening around me in life I'm here thinking about A.I.D.S. I have yet to understand why a lot of these crazy thoughts come to my head but they do. There has been a lot of rumors around that is said that there is a cure for AIDS. That AIDS was created by the government to control the population but it got out of hand. Well to my and the worlds knowledge there isn't one. AIDS was first identified in the USA in 1981. The epidemic has now spread to every part of the USA and to all parts of society. With so much knowledge about this disease more and more people each year get infected with HIV. Blacks and Hispanics are still the ones mostly infected. In Africa, in some of the poorest countries in the world, that the impact of the virus has been most severe. The diversity of the AIDS epidemic is even greater in Asia than in Africa. So what can we do to stop this epidemic, well first you can get tested today. And every time your going to have sexual intercourse use a condom. If you are HIV positive you can take the pills that they give you to prevent from getting AIDS. So please GYT. That means Get Yourself Tested. You can also go to GYT09.org for more info.

Yay Swings!!!!!!!!

After months of randomly searching for some swings late at night I finally found them. I meet up with a few people from AMC to go and eat in BBQ's. I got there late, like always. Drank a little and then went to look for some swings. We all walked to 59Th and central park. The part where the swings were located at was closed so we worked our asses off to get inside. I didn't even start to swing when some people went crazy because of Edison. "Is that the cops coming?" After he said that everyone scattered like roaches. Left the other Crystal and myself there on the swings. The car was super far away and they still didn't come back. What an ass after that we stayed on the Rocky Mountains and said some stories. We then ended up telling everyone the entire Drag Me To Hell movie. Well Wally did. I was at least happy because I found my swings!

FATHERS...

While talking to a good friend of mine on the phone the topic "fathers" comes up in the conversation. She says something that is rather interesting, she said that I wouldn't know about something because I at least had a father figure in my life and she didn't. She asked me why is it that she is the way she is? She said how about I research that and write about it. So as the retard that I am, I will. I guess this topic interested me so much because I want to study sociology: the study of society and human behavior. As I'm doing some research on this topic it comes to no surprise to me what I find out. For some who grow up without a father say that it doesn't matter to them that they didn't have one. But in fact study show that girls reach early puberty with a chance of early pregnancy. And boys raised without a father are, on average, more than twice as likely as other boys to end up jailed. What is it about a father that makes one the way they are. The lack of a father figure in a girls life sometimes makes them not get attached to men. There for leaving them to be a cold hearted person in hope for love. But how can they found that if they don't give themselves a chance to find it. And for other girls they get a little too attached too fast. Some women became sluts and don't care. But they also seek the attention that they never received from a male before. Forcing some men to get what they want and run away. But women who grow up without a father aren't the only ones with some problems. As strange as it may be men who grew up without a father figure tend to be more manly. Some hate there dads and say that they would never be like there deadbeat dad and work really hard not to be like them. While others become what they hate the most, there dads. It is fact that a lot of times history repeats itself. What makes a father so important to people that it defines ones future? Is a fathers love that important? Well I just have to keep doing some more research it understand it all. But I'm doing ok so far.

What's going on?

Why is it, that as a child you have so many dreams and aspirations. You want to be a cop, a doctor. a firefighter, a lawyer, the president. You want to be so many things you change your mind on what you are going to be when you grow up all the time. But as you are growing up for some all of those dreams are just that, dreams. Is it because at the age when we imagine what we want to be in life we are innocent, naive even. Why is that the older you get the more you lose your dreams? Is it because we just don't want to work hard for what we want? Is it because that's not what we really want in life? Or is it just because we don't have dreams anymore? What makes one lose a dream? Is it the world we live in today? Are we just too lazy? Is it just a job for us? Why do we lack that part in us that thinks we can be whatever we want to be? We do live in the land where the streets are made out of gold. But what's going on? WHAT IS IT??